Originally in the Rochester Magazine May, 2013

Interviewer: Jennifer Koski (Rochester Post Bulletin)

Random Rochesterite

Name: Michael V. Nardine Age :68 

Occupation: Writer, blogger, retired customs officer

Where we found him: Caribou Coffee 2nd Street (Across Mayo Clinic, St Mary’s Hospital Campus)

  You're a regular at Caribou? For almost as long as I've been here in Rochester, 18 months. .. .The people that come in here— my god, it's a varied bunch. Most coffee shops are old guys sitting around reliving their lives. But here, there's a bunch of characters.

  What brought you to Rochester? My son-in-law has my two grandkids and daughter hostage here. He's a resident over here, and my wife decided she wanted to be with her grandchildren. Do you want his name? Because if it shows up in here, it will irritate the hell out of him and I'd like that. [Laughs.]

  Give it to me. Dr. Luke T. Hafdahl. He's going to be one of the chief residents in his fourth year. He's a star. But he's a very humble fellow. . He ' s also the best damn father I've ever seen.

 

How'd you meet your wife? It was love at first sight. She was working in a restaurant in El Paso. It was a small place, and I looked up and here was this "she who must be obeyed." She's owned me ever since. . W e ' v e been married for 45 years. She's a helluva woman. She's got the class that I don't have.

What was your first job? Selling newspapers to people on trains. It was the Grand Forks Herald, on the train to Canada that would come through Pembina [North Dakota] at that time. I must've been six or seven. Later, I worked for the Star Tribune, the El Paso Times, and Herald Post. My entire college years were spent in the circulation department of the El Paso Times and Herald Post. ... When I was in Duluth, I wrote book reviews for the Reader—the alternative paper there.

 

  How many places have you lived? As a customs inspector, you move a lot. I started in El Paso, where I grew up. Ten years in Canada, five years in Edmonton [Alberta], where our daughter was born, another five in Vancouver. The North Dakota border. We were for a time in San Diego and Cleveland, Fort Wayne. We ended up in Duluth in '95, and I was there for 12 years.

 

Tell me about El Paso. When I was a young man, I used to sell papers at Juarez at three in the morning. My first date with my wife was at the Juarez dog track. Now you wouldn't dare. It's an entirely different world. I used to go to the Juarez track with my mother—take my paper route earnings. They have an age limit, but if you were high enough to get your hand over that counter, you could do it.

You have to have some stories from working in customs. One time, here comes a guy and one of the female inspectors says to me, "Isn't that guy's groin awfully swollen?" Yes, it was.

Drugs? No, the guy had a parrot stuffed down in his pants—and they're damn mean little creatures. People always showed up with empty birdcages, never a bird in them. They think we're stupid. In drives this family at the southern border one time—nice people, but they had a dirty birdcage. We tore that car apart looking for that damn bird. The woman had her arms crossed over her chest, and sure enough, my supervisor—this tough, little Mexican woman—found two dead parakeets under the woman's shirt. She'd kept them too close to her bosom and they'd died. I felt kind of bad about that.

Tell me about an adventure you've had. Well, I went over to Vietnam. Were you drafted? No, I joined. Twenty-two years old and suffering from late adolescence. I had a college degree and I decided I wanted to go into the infantry. I went to the central highlands up around Pleiku, fourth infantry division. 

Share a Story? When I got over there, I decided that the infantry was kind of boring— thought maybe I could do some writing. I told one of the officers I could write. So someone lent me a camera and I took pictures and wrote stories about what was happening. It was published in the Stars and Stripes Far East Edition, the Army newspaper. It was the closest I came to a journalism career.

Did you continue to write? I've always written stuff. Have you heard of True Confessions? Back in the 80s and 90s, I used to write short stories for them. The most I ever got was $300. I thought it was the greatest sign of pure merit. Here was a guy who sent a story, and no one knew him from Adam, and they sent me back money.

 

  Do you Still write? Cheap Mike's Domains is my little business, and I have a blog, Mike's Blog, there with my writing. . I have three books on Kindle. I send them what I think is pretty good stuff and they publish it.

  Favorite musician? Johnny Cash is about as good as it gets. If there's better music, I haven't heard it.